Untitled Document

How to be a Politically Correct Human Being

By William J. Clancey

October 28, 2002

I received a chain email "How to be a Politically Correct Democrat" and decided to rewrite it to cover everyone.

"How to be a politically correct Democrat" (Original Email)

My Version: "How to be a politically correct human being"

Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way. But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites. Consider the list below to see how you rate. Virtually anyone can view the world simplistically and mock what you don't understand. Just quit thinking and vote the way your party tells you. But if you want to be a good HUMAN BEING, there are some prerequisites. Consider the list below to see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. 1. You have to believe the spread of the AIDS virus in Africa is one of the most serious issues threatening the modern world.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. 2. You have to believe there's something wrong with a society that pays corporate managers 10 times more than the people who teach our children to read.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of terrorists. 3. You have to believe that if Canada has proportionally as many guns as the US, but far fewer murders, then something is morally wrong with American families.

4. You have to believe that art did not exist before it was federally funded. 4. You have to believe that a civilized society should invest in museums, concerts, and art in public places.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. 5. You have to believe that global climate might be affected by documented changes in the CO2 that directly parallel the increase in cars, factories, and burning of the forests over the past century.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. 6. You have to believe that why people of the same gender are attracted to each other is not a problem, except for people who are not comfortable with their own sexual lives.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand. 7. You have to be against killing criminals as a solution to crime and support sex education for teenagers who are having sex.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. 8. You have to believe that profit for its own sake creates oppression, and governments exist to moderate the selfish aspects of human nature.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from the Northwest do. 9. You have to believe that environmentalists care most of all about the quality of human life, and that's why they care about nature.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. 10. You have to believe that self-esteem does not exist without actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars. 11. You have to believe that politicians, not ordinary citizens, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. 12. You have to believe that interpreting the Constitution should always take into account the good of the country, not only the agendas of private organizations.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. 13. You have to believe that how taxes are spent is more important than the amount paid.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison. 14. You have to believe that the US is better off--150 years after it proclaimed that all people are created equal--by allowing women to vote and to participate in all aspects of business and political life.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't. 15. You have to believe that standardized tests do not reflect the intelligence of a future dancer, artist, football hero, or politician.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady. 16. You have to believe a politician's gender is unrelated to his or her capability, and so mentioning it is at least unmannerly.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge. 17. You have to believe that the main reason captalism hasn't worked everywhere it's been tried is because economic systems are inseparable from cultural traditions.

18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House. 18. You have to believe that forcing the President of the US to tell the truth about his private sexual life was less important than detecting that terrorists were about to attack the World Trade Center and Pentagon and that corporate robber barons were stealing the retirement of millions of Americans.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at
Christmas should be illegal. 19. You have to believe that sexual expression in public can be regulated by local laws without violating first amendment rights, and government promotion of any religious point of view-including the existence of a supernatural being-is illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States. 20. You have to believe that continuously focusing on what happened ten years ago in the White House, rather than dealing with current problems in the economy or international affairs is not in the best interest of the United States.

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"How to be a politically correct Democrat" (Original Email)	My Version: "How to be a politically correct human being"
Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way. But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites. Consider the list below to see how you rate.	Virtually anyone can view the world simplistically and mock what you don't understand. Just quit thinking and vote the way your party tells you. But if you want to be a good HUMAN BEING, there are some prerequisites. Consider the list below to see how you rate.
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.	1. You have to believe the spread of the AIDS virus in Africa is one of the most serious issues threatening the modern world.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.	2. You have to believe there's something wrong with a society that pays corporate managers 10 times more than the people who teach our children to read.
3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of terrorists.	3. You have to believe that if Canada has proportionally as many guns as the US, but far fewer murders, then something is morally wrong with American families.
4. You have to believe that art did not exist before it was federally funded.	4. You have to believe that a civilized society should invest in museums, concerts, and art in public places.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.	5. You have to believe that global climate might be affected by documented changes in the CO2 that directly parallel the increase in cars, factories, and burning of the forests over the past century.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.	6. You have to believe that why people of the same gender are attracted to each other is not a problem, except for people who are not comfortable with their own sexual lives.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.	7. You have to be against killing criminals as a solution to crime and support sex education for teenagers who are having sex.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.	8. You have to believe that profit for its own sake creates oppression, and governments exist to moderate the selfish aspects of human nature.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from the Northwest do.	9. You have to believe that environmentalists care most of all about the quality of human life, and that's why they care about nature.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.	10. You have to believe that self-esteem does not exist without actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.	11. You have to believe that politicians, not ordinary citizens, start wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports *certain* parts of the Constitution.	12. You have to believe that interpreting the Constitution should always take into account the good of the country, not only the agendas of private organizations.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.	13. You have to believe that how taxes are spent is more important than the amount paid.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.	14. You have to believe that the US is better off--150 years after it proclaimed that all people are created equal--by allowing women to vote and to participate in all aspects of business and political life.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.	15. You have to believe that standardized tests do not reflect the intelligence of a future dancer, artist, football hero, or politician.
16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.	16. You have to believe a politician's gender is unrelated to his or her capability, and so mentioning it is at least unmannerly.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.	17. You have to believe that the main reason captalism hasn't worked everywhere it's been tried is because economic systems are inseparable from cultural traditions.
18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.	18. You have to believe that forcing the President of the US to tell the truth about his private sexual life was less important than detecting that terrorists were about to attack the World Trade Center and Pentagon and that corporate robber barons were stealing the retirement of millions of Americans.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.	19. You have to believe that sexual expression in public can be regulated by local laws without violating first amendment rights, and government promotion of any religious point of view-including the existence of a supernatural being-is illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.	20. You have to believe that continuously focusing on what happened ten years ago in the White House, rather than dealing with current problems in the economy or international affairs is not in the best interest of the United States.